Some of my friends had noticed that I no longer update my
facebook as much as I used to. They are right since it would take weeks or months before I open my account just to see if
there’s an important message for me. I’m not ecstatic to download my latest
photos. If not for my husband (who works abroad and wants to see my new photos)
I will never care to download new photos anymore. If not for some important messages, I will
never open my FB account anymore. I changed since middle of 2011.
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| photo courtesy of : vectorimages.org |
This is very opposite to what I
used to be few years ago when seldom is the day when I will not check my account
for at least three hours. That’s the average time I spent facebooking then! Had there been an award for those facebook
addicts, I’m quite sure I’m in. How and why did I change? Read on.
First let me tell you a how I
started. The year 2007 was the start of my so-called addiction and it started
in friendster . I was so obsessed that even at work I would sneak some few minutes
just to beautify my account. There were so many ways to customize the
friendster account and I never want to be left out. There were background
customization, picture slideshow, music video, font’s customization, etc. I was
so vain when it comes to my account (more vain than to myself) that I would spend hours just to find
the perfect background, make new slideshow, change my previous slideshow, put
music video and upload many photos.
It was early 2009 when I started
FB. It is more dynamic and I could easily see new updates of my friends (albeit
no beautiful background). And it started to get even more popular than
friendster so I stick to it. Another
plus was the game Farmville to which I also got hooked for like 6 months. I
would go home hurriedly just to plant, harvest and water my crops! I would even
put it in my daily to do list just so I will not forget it. I never made it
into million (despite my “hard work” in the farm) and I quit because I got
tired of taking good care of my farm.
But never in facebook. I was so keen
in uploading my latest photo of the day (I
must upload some new pictures at least every week or else I feel so left out),
thinking of a good quotation and uploading it as my shout-out (I must show to all that I am smart ) and
discretely stalking my friends, elementary classmates, childhood crushes, ex
boyfriend and many more.
I was so eager to know what’s going on with their lives that I forget to take care
of my very own life. Dammit!
Early 2011, I no longer work and
all I did was to go online like forever. I would never go offline, as I choose
to avail the unlimited internet. And
then one day I pondered, why am I spending so much time on facebook? How does
it make me as a person? What do I really get from it? And I count the
inevitable truths…
1)
Self-pity. ..At some points while facebooking I said to myself “How come my unintelligent elementary
classmate turns out to be a very successful businesswoman
now? while me? I can’t even put up a
sari-sari store on my own. …I’m smarter, prettier, better than her!” Why oh God why? …and another… “How come my dull and
boring high-school classmate is travelling the world now?? while I can’t even get out of my house!??
.Life is not fair....and..”Wow my Not-so-pretty-elementary-classmate is oh so rich and
gorgeous now how come..how come? Wasn’t she dark and naive then? How could she
be oh so sophisticated and porcelain-skinned now while me? I can’t even find a perfect facial
wash for my oily skin! I’m such a failure (in life and in facial wash).
*sobbing*.There were many similar instances like these.The ending? I just felt bad about myself.
2)
Anger at myself - I scolded myself, “Miss Unintelligent elementary classmate is
not as unintelligent as you think, you stupid self ! ”…and ..”Miss Boring high-school classmate is travelling the
world now and Miss Not-so-pretty-elementary-classmate is rich and gorgeous now because
they both work hard and deserved to be where they are now bitch!”. I felt a bit
disgusted at myself.
3)
Never ending gossip – While stalking the account of my former crush I said “Gosh my ultimate elementary
crush who never even care I exist, is in a relationship with our uninteresting
schoolmate (as I saw in his facebook account)..Months later,.. Oh they are separated I think because he
deleted her in his status, …months later,...he has a new girlfriend now and is getting
married?. ..so on and so forth with all my childish rants.. I felt so silly.
I’m
DONE with stalking in facebook. I will never do those foolish things again. It was a
waste of time. I could have used it productively by starting this
blog then. At least with blog I could earn in the long run. Or I could have
spent those hours constructively like reading a book, exercising, cooking and
bonding with my family.
For now I’m at peace without
facebook. Although I have not deleted it because it is one of the medium of
communications with my hubby (if skype is not available), I know I am just fine
without it. And when I unintentionally see the account of Ms. Now-Intelligent, Ms.
Travelling classmate or Ms. Now-Gorgeous classmate ? I just smile and say to myself that great
things happen to them because of their hard-work and a little bit of good luck.
Who knows one day I can be like one of them too. And if not? I am perfectly fine and happy with who I am today. I've learned to really value what I have.
